Late last night I made too much sound in the hallway closing a door and I think it woke up Nem-nem. Maybe that isn’t what woke her up, I don’t know.
Her distress cry didn’t die down; it got worse. We let her cry for a very long time and finally thought we’d try calming her. I changed her diaper and it calmed her, and I realized half way through that it didn’t need changing. It didn’t calm her for very long. We tried to soothe her and help her get back to sleep and she got angrier. Eventually she was in angry hysterics and we tried addressing many possibilities – hunger? – wanting to sleep in our bed? – rocking? – thirst? – wanting her blanket and doll? – needing a massage? – just leaving her alone again in her crib for a long time? – nothing worked.
Finally I decided to try to take her on a car drive and play lullabies from my iPod. No change – still angrier. After maybe half an hour driving she began settling down, after she’d fussed and fidgeted with her blanket for a long time, and apparently got it the way she wanted. Her anger settled to fatigued, heartbreaking whimpers. Then she was quiet for a good five minutes. Until she started mildly whimpering again. I thought she had finally fallen asleep; apparently not.
I thought she might want help spreading her blanket over herself, because with all her fussing with it she’d managed to get it fairly well spread out (after first kicking it off and rejecting it several times). So I pulled to the side of the road and went to her car seat to help her with that, but when I spread the blanket further over her, she got very angry again.
Then it clicked for me. If we try to feed her at meal time she gets upset. She wants to use the spoon herself, or use her hands, without our help. With the blanket now this was the same thing. She’s not getting enough recognition for her independent learning, not getting enough sense of accomplishment and admiration from us for all that she does and learns by herself. Mago got plenty of that – every new milestone was a marvel for us, because we were witnessing the growth of our own baby for the first time. Even being aware that parents tend to not do this with their second or subsequent children, and making sure she’ll have plenty of video tape and photos of herself as a baby (as second children often don’t), I’ve overlooked the marvels of her progress, of what she learns and does.
Realizing all that at that moment, I told her I’m sorry; she can arrange the blanket herself, and told her she’d done a good job. I started talking to her about how mom and dad are proud of how much she’s learning and doing, that she’s a big girl, that she does so many things by herself and is learning so much, and that we’re so happy to have her and watch her learn and grow – and with this kind of talk she calmed right down. She knew exactly what I was saying.
When I got back home she got angry when I picked her up out of her car seat and wrapped the blanket around her. I said she can wrap the blanket around herself, and I’ll put her in her crib and she can go to bed by herself. Again she calmed right down.
When we got to her crib she was still wide awake, but I told her she can put herself to sleep, and she went back into her crib and let me leave the room without any complaint, and there was no further complaint the rest of the night – she was probably back to sleep within minutes.
There are several entries Tia and I have wanted to write, about Mago and Nem-nem – I fear the memories may be leaving 🙁
Nem-nem still babbles delightfully, and the babble is becoming more nuanced and expressive. It often seems there is some clear meaning I’m missing if I only knew the language. She’ll often mix in, when she’s upset, our names: “Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma!” or “Da-duh-da-da-da-da-da-deh-da-da!..”
Sign language signs she knows, or things she has words for:
Bear, cougar, lion, tiger (a low, nasal grunt)
Cat
Flower (exhales in imitation of sniffing)
Dog (pants and sticks out tongue like a dog)
Water
Elephant (she makes the same sign for a giraffe)
Frog
Bird/Duck
Light
Tree
Horse (does a lip-flapping noise)
Cow (moos)
Baby
Insect/Fly (Makes a buzzing sound)
Probably others I’m forgetting.. I owe it to her to keep a list going for a while 🙂