Swimmed, Grasshopper, Jedi

I had forgot to mention that Mago had said during our recent vacation (for which I still mean to post some video – of Mago doing a food dance at SeaWorld and a walrus floating against my back through glass – possibly meaning to ask me if I has a bucket, or perhaps in concerted appreciation for my person knowing that he loves to fly), outside our hotel room at a swimming pool which he eagerly wished to swim in each morning: “Let’s get swimmed.”

Two nights ago he put a plastic grasshopper on Tia and asked “Is a grasshopper on you?” Tia replied “Yes – if it was a real grasshopper I’d probably scream and throw him off me. Grasshoppers are scary.” Mago replied: “Don’t throw him. He’s your friend.”

Yester-morning I awoke thinking that I’d like to make a painting of Darth Maul, Luke Skywalker, and C3P0 sitting on a church bench taking the sacrament, captioned: “The Sun Shineth and the Rain Falleth on the Good, the Evil, and the Robot.” (I’ll do this just as soon as my skills are up to it – only I’d change it to “Droid” and possibly mix in Darth Vader, with “Deathbed Penitent Good/Evil Robot/Person). This was probably unconsciously inspired by “Nobody wants to play Sega with Harrison Ford“. This led to me thinking about Jedi in general and the poor writers who are lassoed into writing any of the unending literary expansions to the Star Wars universe but who cannot have anything significant happen such as a Jedi falling in love, and little Jedi children running around (although, rather horridly, Han and Leia have become married in this expanded literary universe, to give birth to Jedi twins, whom they have most unfortunately named something like.. Jayden and Jaycen). And that kewl character Mara Jade, a Jedi unrqueited “love interest” for Luke, whom Timothy Zahn created (and the only writer to add anything of real substance and resonance to that literary universe, so far as I know) – Luke simply cannot ever marry her [nope! – corrected! – looksie here at the second picture. But what a horrible costume and portrayal in that first picture on the right. Okay, so this is significant. But I’m wary. “A close Force bond?” – oh, brother.  How about a trauma Force bond?  That would be compelling..] This further led to a strange muse overtaking me wherein I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, making an oddly monstrous, loathing and disgusted face, and muttering loudly in a low lisping voice worse than Emperor Palpatine’s (and with the improper plural):

“Jedis are sworn to be celibate. Salivate.”

Caught. Tia opened the door and with a mingled bemused, amused, and disgusted expression said “What!?”

I repeated myself. She laughed but replied “If you’re going to talk that way, you’re welcome to remain celibate.”

Later that day I thought I would repeat this utterance to Mago. He replied: “Don’t be a monster.”

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