Yesterday morning his mother needed to leave for an hour for a school errand and I was left to listen to him howling in his crib for his morning nap as if Hell itself had descended on him. It struck me with guilt for my negligence of him in previous days. Of course the guilt made me wonder if his howling was in any way related to my negligence. When the crying went beyond the rationally tolerable (maybe past half an hour) and it was apparent he was not going to sleep on his own, I entered his room, told him I was sorry, picked him up, he calmed down, and I wiped his tears and proceeded shushing and rocking him. He looked out the bedroom door for his mother, but as I sang to him his lullaby (also too oft neglected beyond his first few months of life, though I use others), he relaxed more.
The guilt and holding him and wanting to comfort him moved me to pray just enough for him to hear [should I be confessing this to The Internet? – too late!], which relaxed him further, and soon and too my surprise he fell asleep on my shoulder, the first this had happened also for far too long (four months? six?) – or at least, I miss it, because our practice is to put him in his crib and let him cry himself to sleep, which is a practice my heart disagrees with.
I went to silent praying, and after standing for a long while rocking him in his sleep I moved him to my arms at my chest, and he stayed asleep. I sat in the rocking chair and rocked him and looked at him as I prayed. I found myself praying for more charity for this kid, and at the very moment I started this prayer, he laughed in his sleep and smiled for a short while, and then returned to ordinary sleep. My prayer was in his dream. It reminded me of Nephi’s dream, or vision:
And I looked and beheld the virgin again, bearing a child in her arms. And the angel said unto me: Behold the Lamb of God, yea, even the Son of the Eternal Father! Knowest thou the meaning of the tree which thy father saw? And I answered him, saying: Yea, it is the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things. And he spake unto me, saying: Yea, and the most joyous to the soul. –1 Nephi 11:20-23
It also reminds me of this:
Dream, dream, dream, of the joyous day to come
While guardian angels without number
Watch you as you sweetly slumber.. – Verse from a translation of the Austrian Christmas carol Still, Still, Still
As I went for my scriptures to find the verses above, though I knew generally where to look for this (Nephi’s books), the first page I opened to was the very verses. A bit of Mormon cultural mythology is that if you just open your scriptures to something it will be exactly the right verse for you..